Pain

She’s Just Crazy

Why is it only men can be a work in progress but women can’t? Men are aloud to be emotionally damaged and play that card for their reckless behavior but women can’t.

Women are expected to stay and mold their man but a woman is already strong and doesn’t have mistakes or unhealthy relationship habits they need to fix.!

She’s just crazy not broken. She’s just crazy she don’t have issues to be fixed. She’s just crazy she’s not begging for help to fix what her past fucked up. She’s just crazy she’s not a work in progress.!

-Marie

Pain

Hopeless

She’s hopeless, she will never be enough of what he needs or wants. She tries but the only thing she ever hears is try harder. She’s too temperamental, too shut off, too crazy, too lazy. She doesn’t have enough sex and has too much mouth.

She cherishes her friendships too much. She not emotionally available to him no matter how many times she tries change to his likings. She’s not affectionate enough.

She’s hopeless her past made her and even though he screamed he had accepted who she was fell in love with her for that reason, he didn’t really mean it. She’s hopeless because she’s too sensitive, she’ll mask her emotions through anger and shut down.

She’s hopeless because no matter what she does it’s not enough it will always be looked at as if she does not care. She’s hopeless yet nobody takes responsibility for how they’ve contributed to making her this way.

She’s hopeless but she’s not sure she cares anymore

-Marie

Pain

WomanHood

Her whole life has been a fantasy of the perfect marriage the perfect family. She had visions of living a happy ever after with the man that loved her unconditionally. She had dreams of giving him every last child he asked her body bare, every last child he’d hope she would help make possible to bring in this world.

Her dreams are coming true but not without a few hiccups she found the man of her dreams but not before having a child with a man she can’t stand but still her lover has treated her child as his own.

Her dreams continued to manifest her life continued to glow but now she questions her womanhood. The man she’s longed to build her fairytale with is finally asking her to bare his children and yet she can’t, she’s done everything right this time and yet she can’t.

She’s convinced her self in God’s time and yet that nagging voice in the back of her mind tells her she will never be enough woman to give him everything he desires, she will never be able to give him the child he longs for. She knows he’ll love her but will he love her completely if she can’t do the one thing her body was designed to do.

She’s questioning her womanhood which is making her question her worth, her purpose, her fairytale dreams of the perfect family. She questions her womanhood and often ask herself would he ever leave!

-Marie

Love · Pain

Conditions

Loving you is hard, it isn’t as easy as riding a bike or taking a nap. Loving you brings questions, insecurities, highs and lows of emotions I didn’t know I could ever feel.

Loving you makes me scared, makes me hesitate on every thought of you that crosses my mind. You say you love me but there’s conditions. You say you love me but I know once you get me that “love” will fade.

Your love makes me happier than anything ever has and yet I’m beyond scared to experience it, beyond scared to fully love you like I want to.

Loving you is hard because I know it comes with conditions.

-Marie

Love · Pain

He Has What He Wants

HUSBAND

I love her more than I’ve loved anyone else, well that’s if those past flings were even love. I’ve never felt what I feel for her for anyone else but I’m not sure she truly can see that.

The thought of losing her brings a pain deeper than any other pain. I love her beyond words can ever express, I’d give her my last breath if I ever needed to. She’s been my world since the day we met, I’m not understanding how she doesn’t realize that.

I feel her slipping away, slowly letting the love disappear. What am I supposed to do? I can’t lose my best friend, losing her would be losing myself. She makes me a better man and yet she still feels unwanted.

I see that she no longer looks at me the same and seeing that is like someone plunging a knife into my heart and twisting it over and over again. I love my wife more than life itself how do I make her realize there could never be anyone else?

ADMIRER

There’s a girl I’d trust with my deepest darkest secrets if she’d ever be all mine. This girl isn’t average like the rest. Her beauty is ten times more mesmerizing because she don’t realize how beautiful she is. I’ve imagined my future with this girl a thousand times and each time gets better.

I’ve imagined putting a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly but each time I have to snap back to reality and realize she’s with someone else. She’s married and while I could give a damn about him I don’t dare make that moving knowing she loves who she is with.

Every time that I see her I can’t help but to smile. I can’t help but to see how her day went. I can’t help but to imagine her being mine for the rest of my life, waking up to her by my side rolling over to see her looking up at me with those big brown eyes.

I’m more in love with this girl than I’ve ever been and I’ll wait patiently until she’s done with him!

-Marie

Love · Pain

Missing You

I’m missing you so much, and yet I can’t bring myself to call your phone or even type those words to tell you. It’s not only you I miss. I miss who I was when I was with you, when we weren’t hurting each other.

I miss the laughing, the hugging, the cuddling and even though I do those things now it will never have the same feeling as when I did those things with you! See you abandoned me, left me lost and alone with no sense of who I even was anymore without you. You left but you miss me and now you expect me to come running back to you because you had the courage to admit it.

I miss you with everything in me but I’m not brave enough to risk losing myself again or losing everything I gained when I learned to let you go. You were once my world and loving you was all I wanted to do. Now I miss you but refuse to go back to you.

I miss your smile, running my fingers through your hair, and hearing your laugh. I miss the way you would lay your head on my lap and talk until you drifted off to sleep. I miss the brush of your soft skin against mine every time we touched. I miss the look in those big brown eyes as they would sparkle and your pupils get big as you tell me you love me.

I miss just hearing you say my name and the feeling I’d get in the pit of my stomach as my heart raced hearing your voice dance across my eardrums so seductively knowing it could only be you saying my name so sweetly!

I miss you, but I’ll never tell you.

-Marie

Pain

Deprived

She’s emotionally deprived of everything he once offered, deprived of the dreams he once sold to her. Things changed and she’s not sure how to get it back to the way it used to be. She’s deprived of attention, romance, and intellectual conversations but he doesn’t seem to notice or doesn’t seem to care. Which one it is she’s not sure.

She wants to feel loved again, has a burning desire to want to feel that passion when they make love. She’s bored and has no clue how to fix it because everything she says it’s like he hears but doesn’t listen.

She’s screaming for attention but he’s in his own world. She’s lusting for men that aren’t him because they give the attention he refuses to give. She knows he’s tired and trying but only trying in all the wrong places and she’s pleading, screaming. And begging for him to notice that she’s slowly starving soon she will be nothing, a fight to make it work will no longer be made.

He’s there but he’s not it’s like she’s laying next to an empty vessel of the man she once knew and she hasn’t got a clue of how to bring him back. Her love is far from gone but her interest is close to nothing, her sexual drive no longer exist, and her intellect is only shown in the dialect she has with other men.

They peak her curiosity, showed her with conversations other than empty complements. They seems genuinely interested in her ambitions, her thought, her interest. She knows they are no better than him they’ll deprive her of everything she wants as well as soon as they get what they want, but for now she takes what she can get while she can.

She’s deprived of everything he once offered and is unsure if she will ever get it back again.

-Marie