I remember writing a poem about you before I ever met you. I already had this image of what you’d look like. Dark chocolate, tall, and strong, with a gorgeous smile and teeth white as snow.
I hadn’t quite figured out your name or how and when I’d meet you but I already knew you were mine. March 20th 2011 I made a list of my perfect man that list just happened to be made on your birthday. April 2012 I met my soulmate I was only fourteen what did I know about a soulmate?
I was the new freshman I knew no-one I walked in a class full of juniors thinking couldn’t I at least be with kids in my grade? First I heard your voice although it sounded like heaven to my ears the words I heard weren’t all that pleasing.
I turned around to let you firmly know I wouldn’t tolerate the disrespect and as soon as our eyes locked it was like I was choking on my own tongue, everything I wanted to say escaped my brain.
The only thing that kept replaying in my mind is “this is your husband, he is yours”. A week went past and i hadn’t seen you or spoke to you, I knew it was too good to be true. I was fourteen what did I know about true love anyway? As I felt sorry for myself you stopped me in my tracks with that beautiful smile and my heart burst out of my chest.
You walked me to class, carried my books, and kissed my forehead. I remember thinking I could find no better and boy was I right because six years later I became your wife!
Loving you is hard, it isn’t as easy as riding a bike or taking a nap. Loving you brings questions, insecurities, highs and lows of emotions I didn’t know I could ever feel.
Loving you makes me scared, makes me hesitate on every thought of you that crosses my mind. You say you love me but there’s conditions. You say you love me but I know once you get me that “love” will fade.
Your love makes me happier than anything ever has and yet I’m beyond scared to experience it, beyond scared to fully love you like I want to.
Loving you is hard because I know it comes with conditions.
I’m in too deep and can’t seem to catch my breath. I’m grasping for reality and yet so content with this dream we’ve seemed to dream up together! We can’t do this, shouldn’t do this and yet each time the feelings only get deeper!
The burning passion in the pit of my stomach only grows stronger like a constant hunger I cannot control. It’s a fiery feeling that only seems to spread to warm my ice cold heart melting into a puddle of feelings I tried so hard to block off.
I don’t understand the sudden spark of passion that started the wildfire of emotions. Everything that I let go of everything I thought I tossed into the wind is only coming back full force.
This passion won’t allow anything less than everything I desire. This passion consumes me and soon you will too. I’m in too deep and I’m no longer sure I want to come up!
I love her more than I’ve loved anyone else, well that’s if those past flings were even love. I’ve never felt what I feel for her for anyone else but I’m not sure she truly can see that.
The thought of losing her brings a pain deeper than any other pain. I love her beyond words can ever express, I’d give her my last breath if I ever needed to. She’s been my world since the day we met, I’m not understanding how she doesn’t realize that.
I feel her slipping away, slowly letting the love disappear. What am I supposed to do? I can’t lose my best friend, losing her would be losing myself. She makes me a better man and yet she still feels unwanted.
I see that she no longer looks at me the same and seeing that is like someone plunging a knife into my heart and twisting it over and over again. I love my wife more than life itself how do I make her realize there could never be anyone else?
There’s a girl I’d trust with my deepest darkest secrets if she’d ever be all mine. This girl isn’t average like the rest. Her beauty is ten times more mesmerizing because she don’t realize how beautiful she is. I’ve imagined my future with this girl a thousand times and each time gets better.
I’ve imagined putting a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly but each time I have to snap back to reality and realize she’s with someone else. She’s married and while I could give a damn about him I don’t dare make that moving knowing she loves who she is with.
Every time that I see her I can’t help but to smile. I can’t help but to see how her day went. I can’t help but to imagine her being mine for the rest of my life, waking up to her by my side rolling over to see her looking up at me with those big brown eyes.
I’m more in love with this girl than I’ve ever been and I’ll wait patiently until she’s done with him!
I’m missing you so much, and yet I can’t bring myself to call your phone or even type those words to tell you. It’s not only you I miss. I miss who I was when I was with you, when we weren’t hurting each other.
I miss the laughing, the hugging, the cuddling and even though I do those things now it will never have the same feeling as when I did those things with you! See you abandoned me, left me lost and alone with no sense of who I even was anymore without you. You left but you miss me and now you expect me to come running back to you because you had the courage to admit it.
I miss you with everything in me but I’m not brave enough to risk losing myself again or losing everything I gained when I learned to let you go. You were once my world and loving you was all I wanted to do. Now I miss you but refuse to go back to you.
I miss your smile, running my fingers through your hair, and hearing your laugh. I miss the way you would lay your head on my lap and talk until you drifted off to sleep. I miss the brush of your soft skin against mine every time we touched. I miss the look in those big brown eyes as they would sparkle and your pupils get big as you tell me you love me.
I miss just hearing you say my name and the feeling I’d get in the pit of my stomach as my heart raced hearing your voice dance across my eardrums so seductively knowing it could only be you saying my name so sweetly!
I miss you, but I’ll never tell you.
I have the biggest confession to make to myself and although I already knew I chose to convince myself I didn’t. I told myself there’s no possible way I could know the answer to my own toughest questions.
I told myself I was confused, I still am and yet I know the answer, one I knew the whole time and yet the last answer I expected to confess to myself. See I’m confused because while I kiss you I think of him and when I think of him my heart swells and my legs get a little weak under the weight of my heavy heart.
While I’m with you I think of him but when I’m with him I think of you. I think of how your heart would break if you really knew where mine was I think of how our future would shatter if you knew where I longed to be. I convinced myself the grass is greener all while knowing I knew better!
My biggest confession is knowing I could do no better than you, it could get no better than what I have now. My biggest confession was realizing you deserved better and I knew that so I convinced myself it would be your loss when the whole time I knew it would be mine.
The grass is far from greener on the other side he is far from the man you could ever be, but I convinced myself he’s what I deserve because I could never be special enough for you.
My biggest self confession is admitting I was looking for something new and never thought the hurt I caused you. I’m selfish and now that I confessed to myself it’s time to confess to you.
She’s lonely but he doesn’t notice, he’s in his own world where she doesn’t exist. She’s losing patience, her faith in him is fading but she still continues to grasp at the last string of hope. She still continues to plead for his attention hoping some how he will listen.
Her eyes are saying every verbal word he chooses to ignore. He doesn’t notice her lack of interest he doesn’t notice the sudden glow that he didn’t create. She’s lonely but he’s there physically yet so gone mentally! He’s so far gone he doesn’t notice her sudden burst of energy that he didn’t create.
He used to pay attention to every detail he could tell when the slightest thing was off now he doesn’t even notice when she screams it to him. She’s pleading screaming and crying for his attention is he deaf or is she mute? The loneliness is deafening but it’s something she’s coming to accept something she’s coming to enjoy.
She’s lonely but she’s okay with it. She used to plead for his attention now when he shows a little interest she pleads for silence. She pleads to be invisible for him to not notice her. Lonely is exactly how she would love to stay!