Pain

Answers

You want answers you could never handle, you want truths you could never stomach knowing I’d never be able to hurt you. You want me to tell you everything because you think the pain doesn’t compare to unanswered questions that remain between us. I love you, is that what you want me to admit? You want the unfiltered truth or sugar coated tear drops that hurt a lot less?

You don’t want answers because I would only shatter your heart the way you did mine. I’m a strong women compared to your lies I led you to think I ever believed. My truth will only weaken the facade you call strength. There is a difference between you and me, my strength exudes anything you’ve ever done while your strength is fueled by fantasies of how strong you wish to be!

Truth is I love you, I do but you disgust me. You hurt me in the worst ways possible, you were meant to protect me and you abandoned me at weakest because I was a strong little girl. I had so much will power, so much passion, so much strength and you hated that, your jealousy allowed you to fear me. I am everything you weren’t, so many odds stacked against me but you were my biggest hurtle and my worst fears. You were scarier than any man that ever forced me, scarier than any man that ever abused me, any man that ever tried to emotionally break my spirits by telling me every possible way i would fail.

You were my protector and yet you scared me the most. “Why” you say? Do you want that answer? You think you can handle half the pain you’ve caused? You are weak! You’d crumble if I ever gave you the answers you THINK you are looking for. 

You want answers? Yes I love you but you disgust me; that’s the only answer you could ever handle, because you were my weakest protector! 

-Marie!

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