Pain

Understand

The past still haunts me because I refused acknowledge it I refused to ask those unanswered questions knowing you wouldn’t be honest! I’d be lying if I said it didn’t still hurt. But what I couldn’t seem to figure out is why it bugged me so much; why is it was a constant ache in my gut to know why was I never good enough. They say real love never really goes away you just learn to move on. They never said your heart will still ache with unknown answers of why they did you wrong!

I didn’t understand what they had that I didn’t. I’ve walked away I’ve accepted my failures to keep you, to be the woman I was supposed to be. How can I accept answers I’ve never got, how do I accept this constant ache for confirmation? See I gave you my all and you knocked me on my ass and spit in my face then walked away while laughing. You never cared even when I gave you everything.

I understand now I wasn’t the one who wasn’t good enough it was you who failed it was you who couldn’t rise to my level. You were smart you used my love to your advantage you made sure to show just enough love to keep me falling. I was blind but none of that mattered when it came to your self gain! You were my first heart break! You thought you won didn’t you?

You thought you’d own me forever thought I’d be dumb forever thought I’d never wake up and see what your true intentions were. You thrived off my pain I was weak and you loved it; it made you feel like a man at that moment huh? News flash you’re not you are a COWARD your a coward who thought he broke a good woman.

You held this unbreakable bond through pain. You built a long chain filled my past hurt, my anger, my demons, my uncontrollable need for the acceptance to be loved. I told you my deepest secrets and you used them to every advantage you seen fit.

All I have left to say is thank you for making me stronger. Now a real Man can enjoy every bit of the better woman I’ve became!!

-Marie

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